This is a speech I was asked to do for a RFC Ladies Fellowship Bridal Shower a couple of months ago. Since then, it was published in the EMC Messenger, and has been requested for use in a marriage seminar. I thought I would share it with those of you who have not already read it.
I wish I had known my husband was human right from the very beginning, instead of burdening him with all of my high expectations. I’m still occasionally guilty of expecting too much from him – but God is teaching us everyday about each other, and I still truly love every moment of it. ©
Why I Wish I Had Known That My Husband Was Human
By Heather Plett
My husband Ryan and I have been married for a year and nine months, and before that, we had dated for over three years. You think you know everything about a person when you’ve dated that long, but since then I have learned that there will always be something new to learn about my husband. However, there is one thing I wish I had known about him before we got married. I wish I had known that my husband was human.
You may laugh, but it’s true. Instead of marrying a human husband, I thought I was marrying my prince charming, or maybe he was my super hero. Or perhaps I married him thinking he would be my new little puppy dog.
When I married Ryan as my prince charming – I expected constant romance. Breakfasts in bed on Saturday mornings, notes of “I love you” left around the house, poetry boasting of his love for me in every card, and constant reminders of how beautiful I am… But, that didn’t happen. At least, it wasn’t exactly like that.
So, maybe I had actually married my super hero. Ryan… the Rugged. Someone who would be there to catch my every fall, wipe my every tear, be at my side in every situation, and say the right thing every time. He was the one who would save my life. I’d never have to worry about anything ever again! But, that didn’t happen either.
So, whom had I married? A new little puppy dog? Yes! A new little puppy dog. I would train him to be just what I wanted him to be. He would do everything just as I would ask him to do it – and always on command. Yes… I would train my new little puppy dog husband to be perfect. But, guess what? That didn’t happen either.
So, where was my prince charming? Sure, there are romantic things that happen now and then – but not every day. I came to realize that I hadn’t in fact married prince charming after all. I had married Ryan, and Ryan was human – not a fairy tale character. My prince charming gets tired. Sometimes he needs me to initiate a little romance. And now, when romantic things happen – I appreciate them so much more.
And my super hero husband? Well, Ryan the Rugged can’t always be there to catch me when I fall. In fact, sometimes he falls too. He wipes away my tears when he can, but sometimes he needs someone to wipe away his tears. And, he certainly doesn’t always have the right thing to say. Now I realize that this is because he is human. Not an artificial cartoon character created by someone’s imagination. Ryan was created by God, and God put him in my life for a reason. I’ve come to appreciate the fact that sometimes Ryan’s silent presence is all I need to feel secure. I’ll leave the part of saving my life up to God.
And as for trying to train my husband like a puppy. Well, we all know that if you marry someone with the intention to change him or her – you are in big trouble. I’ve learned over the last year and half that we need to learn to compromise. I can’t train Ryan like a puppy dog… but, now that I think about it, there are definitely rewards that I can offer that will encourage him to do things for me… but that’s not the point. The point is that when I married my husband, I married him for who he is – and not who I can change him to be. Any changes that we make for each other are simply acts of love and simply a bonus in our married life together.
By Heather Plett
My husband Ryan and I have been married for a year and nine months, and before that, we had dated for over three years. You think you know everything about a person when you’ve dated that long, but since then I have learned that there will always be something new to learn about my husband. However, there is one thing I wish I had known about him before we got married. I wish I had known that my husband was human.You may laugh, but it’s true. Instead of marrying a human husband, I thought I was marrying my prince charming, or maybe he was my super hero. Or perhaps I married him thinking he would be my new little puppy dog.
When I married Ryan as my prince charming – I expected constant romance. Breakfasts in bed on Saturday mornings, notes of “I love you” left around the house, poetry boasting of his love for me in every card, and constant reminders of how beautiful I am… But, that didn’t happen. At least, it wasn’t exactly like that.
So, maybe I had actually married my super hero. Ryan… the Rugged. Someone who would be there to catch my every fall, wipe my every tear, be at my side in every situation, and say the right thing every time. He was the one who would save my life. I’d never have to worry about anything ever again! But, that didn’t happen either.
So, whom had I married? A new little puppy dog? Yes! A new little puppy dog. I would train him to be just what I wanted him to be. He would do everything just as I would ask him to do it – and always on command. Yes… I would train my new little puppy dog husband to be perfect. But, guess what? That didn’t happen either.
So, where was my prince charming? Sure, there are romantic things that happen now and then – but not every day. I came to realize that I hadn’t in fact married prince charming after all. I had married Ryan, and Ryan was human – not a fairy tale character. My prince charming gets tired. Sometimes he needs me to initiate a little romance. And now, when romantic things happen – I appreciate them so much more.
And my super hero husband? Well, Ryan the Rugged can’t always be there to catch me when I fall. In fact, sometimes he falls too. He wipes away my tears when he can, but sometimes he needs someone to wipe away his tears. And, he certainly doesn’t always have the right thing to say. Now I realize that this is because he is human. Not an artificial cartoon character created by someone’s imagination. Ryan was created by God, and God put him in my life for a reason. I’ve come to appreciate the fact that sometimes Ryan’s silent presence is all I need to feel secure. I’ll leave the part of saving my life up to God.
And as for trying to train my husband like a puppy. Well, we all know that if you marry someone with the intention to change him or her – you are in big trouble. I’ve learned over the last year and half that we need to learn to compromise. I can’t train Ryan like a puppy dog… but, now that I think about it, there are definitely rewards that I can offer that will encourage him to do things for me… but that’s not the point. The point is that when I married my husband, I married him for who he is – and not who I can change him to be. Any changes that we make for each other are simply acts of love and simply a bonus in our married life together.
I wish I had known my husband was human right from the very beginning, instead of burdening him with all of my high expectations. I’m still occasionally guilty of expecting too much from him – but God is teaching us everyday about each other, and I still truly love every moment of it. ©
Very insightful and amusing speech, Heather. Thanks for sharing it.
Ps. I still have high expectations for my future spouse. Poor man.
Heather,
I know what you mean. In my case, the X was a wold in church lady clothing.
But my Queen now...is so wonderful. I wish I had met her first.
Hey Heather, first of all I've been checking out your blog, it makes me feel like I still somewhat attached to life in Canada hearing stuff that is going on.
Secondly, you make an amazing point, I do exactally that and sped half the time crying because Alex didn't do or say exactally what I wanted him to. We made a deal a few days ago that everytime he dissapoints me I have to think of good things that he did that day and actally it has made me see that he is amazing eventhough he was too busy to tell me that he loves me for the 60th time that day.
Thanks Heather
Kimberley, it's nice to know that you are reading my blog! I've checked out yours too. You sound just like me - I often spent time crying over what Ryan did or didn't say to me - and then I realized how was he SUPPOSED to KNOW what it was that I WANTED him to say?! I try not to put those kinds of expectations on him anymore, and you know what? It makes us both so much happier! It's not always easy though, and there are still times when he needs to be sensitive to my needs too. God bless!
I skimmed this one night just before bed, when I was probably too sleepy, because I thought the title was: "Why I Wish I Had Known That My Husband Was Woman"...I made it a couple of paragraphs in before going back to make sense of the title.
Perhaps that can be the topic of your next speech.
Jer - that would make for a very interesting speech I'm sure! I don't know that they would publish it in the Messenger though. Hahaha!
HA haha...yeah, probably not. Could be a great blog post, though.
I'll think about writing it sometime.